In general, there is a difference between seniors in their 80s and older, and those who are now in their 70s.  For example:

Seniors in Their 80s

Seniors in their 80s, who lived through the Depression, have often spent frugally and saved as much as possible. They focus on wanting to leave a legacy to their children, are less willing to spend money on themselves, and less inclined to talk about future plans.

Seniors in Their 70s

Seniors now in their 70s are more questioning, more discerning and less amenable to institutional, assisted living alternatives. This new wave of “young” seniors is beginning to ponder difficult questions that do not have easy answers, such as, “Where do I want to live if I’m no longer able to stay at home? Who do I want to take care of me in the event I become ill? What are my wishes regarding end of life care?”

Align the Conversation to Your Senior’s Values

Knowing the seniors’ priorities can help their loved ones know what to say to convince them to get the help they need. For someone in his 80s, who doesn’t want to spend money on services for himself, having his children (and grandchildren) tell him they prefer that he spend it on his own needs and not gift it to the kids, might really free the parent up to take care of his own needs.

For someone in his 70s, having the children (and grandchildren) talk with him about his different options and help him identify the ones that best fit his needs and financial situation, might be helpful. This can be complicated due to the fact that seniors are often reluctant to discuss their finances with their children. Nevertheless, having an outline of your senior’s assets so you can know which options are available, is important.

When children have conversations with their parents about the future, they must first reassure the senior that they will be in control and have the final say and that the children just want to help them think about future possibilities and understand their preferences.

Posted by: Frank Esposito, Vice President of Expert Home Care.  New Jersey’s Expert Home Care provides professional and reliable home health care and companion care for NJ elderly, helping them with their daily living activities since 1984. Please call us toll free at 800-848-2336 when you have home care related questions or need assistance for a loved one. Get a Free Home Care Assessment (a $375 value!) when you mention this post.

When is it time for a senior to give up the keys to the car?  Very often, driving remains an act of independence that many seniors are reluctant to part with.  At times, and as difficult as it may be, it is incumbent for adult children to step in.

The signs that your elderly loved one needs to give up driving:

1. Sudden lane changes, braking, or acceleration for no particular reason — a sign that their reflexes are slowing
2. Lots of near-collisions or small, minor accidents, such as scraping their car against another car or a garage.
3. Failing to use the turn signal
4. Driving on the wrong side of the road or in the shoulder
5. An inability to read road signs or written directions
6. Missing turns or backing up to make the correct turn
7. Inability to judge a specific distance
8. Misidentifying the gas pedal for the brake and vice versa
9. Lots of fidgeting while driving
10. Lack of patience while driving and arguing with other drivers
11. Making wrong turns and not being able to remember how to get to often-traveled places
12. Confusion at traffic lights (e.g. mistaking red for green and vice versa)
13. Repeatedly being pulled over by police officers

If you notice any of these problems on a regular basis, it is time to step in.  It is not something that should be put off.

New Jersey’s Expert Home Care provides professional and reliable care and assistance for NJ seniors, helping them manage their daily living activities since 1984. We’ve helped many families overcome the problem of unsafe senior driving. Please call us when you need help at 800-848-2336.

Posted by: Frank Esposito, Vice President of Expert Home Care

In our last post, Expert Home Care listed tips and observations on determining if your loved one needs caregiving, or live-in caregiving. If you resolved that the senior has immediate needs, then it’s time to talk about it with the senior. This will be a delicate process that requires probing but respectful questions, a healthy dose of empathy, and an understanding that there will be communication problems and pitfalls.

You will either find that your loved one in question accepts their limitations and makes necessary adjustments, or they will resist and struggle. If he/she resist, know that your conversation may be interpreted as a personal threat to their independence. 

The most effective discussions focus on what seniors can do, rather than what they can’t do. Encourage them to make good use of the abilities they still have. When caregiving is needed, here are some steps to consider taking:

• Make a list of the assistance that is needed
• Identify potential helpers and tasks
• Establish a network of professional care providers
• Monitor and ensure quality service from care providers
• Avoid family caregiver burnout by maintaining balance and obtaining relief

The more you know about you mom or dad’s needs and desires, as well as knowing what is available to them through their community services and those related costs, the more depth you will add to discussions about caregiving.

Remember to call Expert Home Care at 800-848-2336, we are Certified Senior Advisors who understand and know the right kind of planning, recommendations and referrals to help make aging a state to be savored instead of a fate to be feared.

Frank Esposito and David Goodman, owners of Expert Home Care in NJ are Certified Senior Planners, members of the Society of Certified Senior Advisors. The Society works very hard educating professionals, like us, to work more effectively with our senior clients. We believe that the right kind of planning, recommendations and referrals can make aging a state to be savored instead of a fate to be feared. For us it means understanding the key health, social and financial factors that are important to seniors, and how these factors work together. 

To our families of aging seniors, knowing when the need for caregiving arises is key. Usually, it’s defined by functional ability, not by the age of your loved one. In our experience working with New Jersey seniors for the past 20+ years, most wish to remain independent. Seniors also wish to remain in control of their lives as long as possible. We’ve learned not to make generalizations when it comes to age. 

Determining if your NJ senior needs caregiving assistance will demand astute observation on the family member’s part. Also, you will need to ask revealing questions and pay attention to the telltale signs. It’s important to look for patterns of consistent neglect within the following:

• Basic tasks: difficult in walking, dressing, talking, eating, cooking, climbing steps, or managing medications
• Hygiene: infrequent bathing, unusually sloppy appearance, bad body/mouth odor
• Responsibilities: unopened mail, unpaid bills, unfilled prescriptions, unreadable checkbook, phone calls aren’t returned, low food supply, laundry is piled up, spoiled food in refrigerator
• Health: weight loss, appetite changes, difficulty swallowing, fatigue, burns, bruises, hearing loss, incontinence, spilling or dropping things (look for stains), sleeping too much or too little, dehydration
• Isolation: Lack of interest in friendships, hobbies, or activities; curtains drawn day and night, no access to transportation
• Attitude: sadness or talk of feelings of depression and despair, abuse of alcohol or drugs,  paranoia, refusal to communicate, unusual argumentativeness, verbal abuse
• Cognitive functions: consistent forgetfulness about where things are, getting lost walking or driving, confusion, loss of reasoning skills, difficulty answering questions, inability to find the right  word or complete a sentence, repetitive words or phrases, wandering, loss of sense of time or  season, forgetting how to use ordinary things like a pencil, consistently forgetting to turn off stove, close windows, or lock doors.

Pay attention to these signs – these are the telltale signs that give you information that you seek. Visit our next posting when we give tips on “how to bring up the home care help talk”.

If you need more help determining whether your loved one needs caregiving at home, please call us at 800-848-2336 or visit Expert Home Care New Jersey.