Category Archives: Family Elder Care Conflict

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Senior Driving: 13 Signs an Elderly Loved One Needs to Give Up the Keys

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Deciding When It’s Time for the Elderly to Stop Driving

When is it time for a senior to give up the keys to the car?  Very often, driving remains an act of independence that many seniors are reluctant to part with.  At times, and as difficult as it may be, it is incumbent for adult children to step in.

The signs that your elderly loved one needs to give up driving:

  1. Sudden lane changes, braking, or acceleration for no particular reason — a sign that their reflexes are slowing
  2. Lots of near-collisions or small, minor accidents, such as scraping their car against another car or a garage.
  3. Failing to use the turn signal
  4. Driving on the wrong side of the road or in the shoulder
  5. An inability to read road signs or written directions
  6. Missing turns or backing up to make the correct turn
  7. Inability to judge a specific distance
  8. Misidentifying the gas pedal for the brake and vice versa
  9. Lots of fidgeting while driving
  10. Lack of patience while driving and arguing with other drivers
  11. Making wrong turns and not being able to remember how to get to often-traveled places
  12. Confusion at traffic lights (e.g. mistaking red for green and vice versa)
  13. Repeatedly being pulled over by police officers

If you notice any of these problems on a regular basis, it is time to step in.  It is not something that should be put off.

New Jersey’s Expert Home Care provides professional and reliable care and assistance for NJ seniors, helping them manage their daily living activities since 1984. We’ve helped many families overcome the problem of unsafe senior driving. Please call us when you need help at 800-848-2336.

Posted by: Frank Esposito, Vice President of Expert Home Care

Elderly Drivers Gives Up the Keys

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New Jersey’s Expert Home Care for Elders and Seniors provides care for your aging loved ones since 1984. Please call us when your loved one needs help – 800-848-2336.

Without wheels

“Many people can drive safely through their later years. As a group, older drivers are typically safe drivers. Drivers age 64 and older represent 14 percent of the driving population but just 8 percent of vehicular accidents,“ says Maureen Mohyde, director of Corporate Gerontology at The Hartford, and co-author of “We Need to Talk: Family Conversations with Older Drivers.”

About two-thirds of older drivers self-regulate or voluntarily restrict their driving to avoid night driving, slippery road conditions, rush hour or other difficult driving conditions, she adds.

As a concerned family member, relative or friend, it’s good to be proactive. There are positive things you can do to reduce driving risks and auto fatalities. The first step is to start talking about the subject before it becomes an issue.

You can broach the subject a number of ways. Talk about heavy traffic or road construction. Bring up news reports of an auto accident or announcement of a new senior transportation service. Deteriorating health, new medications or a recent fender-bender clearly mean it’s time to talk.

For help getting started, check out the free 24-page “ We Need to Talk: Family Conversations with Older Drivers,” produced by The Hartford in cooperation with the MIT Age Lab. The guide and video are available at: http://www.thehartford.com/talkwitholderdrivers/.

Key to any decision-making is driving  frequently enough with your elderly parent, relative, friend or client to know if they should still get behind the wheel. Some problems to watch for include: riding the break, hitting curbs, failure to stop at stop signs, running a red light, getting lost or confusing the gas and break pedals.

Finally, start investigating the options so that you can come to the table with transportation alternatives. Family members, friends, public transportation, taxis, senior services programs, non-profit organizations and churches offer a variety of ways to get around.

Most important of all, when it’s time to stop driving, be sure to let your loved one know they are only giving up their keys, not their lives.

Tips to Build Strong Family Bonds for Caregivers

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Reinforcing Family Bonds

Caregiving responsibilities can get in the way of family relationships because new roles are formed; stresses may cause strain in family and bonds between caregivers and their care recipients may feel clinical. Whether it is a spouse providing care for their elder partner or an adult child providing care for a parent, families need to make the effort to maintain ties that do not relate to care duties.

The following methods will help caregivers maintain strong bonds with their care recipients that stem beyond their responsibilities as a provider.

• Sit down and look over family photos and reminisce about past memories
• Get together with other members of the family regularly
• Make time for activities that you once enjoyed together
• Discuss your relationship regularly, and do not hesitate to voice any concerns
• Continue to offer your care recipient as much independence as possible, you are there to help them with their care, but don’t want to make them feel like you are interfering in their life
• Maintain intimacy with your spouse or partner
• Don’t remain in a relationship that has survived out of obligation
• If the care structure is creating too much tension, step back and allow another relative, friend, or professional to take over
Source: http://arthritis.about.com/cs/sex/a/sicknesshealth.htm

Respite Care for Family Caregivers – Elders in New Jersey

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Expert Home Care and call 800-848-2336. More on Sibling Rivalry & Elder Care in NJ

Continuing our post from August 22.. Sibling Conflict in Elder Care

Resolving these conflicts can be challenging. But ignoring the difficulties in a caregiving situation can create greater challenges. Ultimately, strained family relationships can impede a family’s capacity to provide the greatest quality of care to a parent. How can families come together in caregiving?

Here are some suggestions:

  • Express your feelings honestly and directly. Let your siblings know their help is both wanted and needed.
    Keep family members informed regarding a parent’s condition.
  • Be realistic in your expectations. Allow siblings to help in ways they are able and divide tasks according to individual abilities, current life pressures and personal freedoms. Assistance with errands, finances, legal work or other indirect care may be the best option for some family members.
  • Express appreciation to your family for help they are able to provide.
  • Accept siblings for who they are and expect differences of opinion.
  • Try to respect other’s perceptions and find opportunities to compromise.
  • If communication is particularly contentious, arrange a family meeting that includes an outside facilitator, such as your FCA Family Consultant, social worker, counselor, religious leader or friend. A trusted outside party can ensure that everyone’s voice is heard.
  • If siblings are unable to help with care, seek other assistance to provide a respite for yourself.
  • Call your local Caregiver Resource Center, Area Agency on Aging, Senior Center or other community resource to locate help.
  • Try to forgive family members who continue to refuse to get involved in a loved one’s care. The only thing we have control over in a situation is our reaction. Attempt to work through your negative emotions to take care of yourself and move forward.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=868

Home Health for NJ Elders & Seniors – Respite Care

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The Family Caregiver Alliance offers good information to families across America when dealing with elder care. Visit their site often at Family Caregiver Alliance.

Caring for aging parents or ill relatives brings out the good and the bad in sibling and family relationships. Caregiving can be a time for siblings to come together and provide support for each other or it can be a time for stressful transition, causing strained connections and painful conflict.

A source of friction between adult children carries the existing legacy of family dynamics. Demands of caregiving bring up old patterns, unresolved issues, and tensions. Old family wounds are reopened and rivalries reemerge. Siblings can find themselves replaying their historical roles in the family, recreating old dynamics of competition and resentment as they vie for mom’s and/or dad’s attention and affection.

Other things arise such as denial over a parent’s condition. Siblings who are unable to accept the reality of a parent’s illness and refuse involvement may be protecting themselves from facing a parent’s eventual death and their own loss. This causes the active family caregivers to react with resentment, bitterness, and anger.

What is seen in families is that discord surfaces from the unequal division of caregiving duties. Usually, it is one adult child or sibling that carries the primary role of caregiving for mom or dad. This may be because he or she lives closest to a parent, is perceived as having less work or fewer family obligations, or is considered the “favorite” child. When this situation occurs, it can lead the overburdened primary caregiver feel frustrated and resentful and other siblings to feel uninformed and left out.

Go to http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=868

For help when caring for an aging relative at home go to Expert Home Care and call 800-848-2336.